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08 April 2009

...What Shall Be.

I did post briefly at 23:48 EDT on Tuesday saying that this would be late. For the benefit of BEDA, that much is reproduced below:

I know it will take until far past midnight to write about all of the stuff that happened today, so I'm posting this so that I have something. In fact, I may just wait a day to post because there's so much going on it's not even funny.
In short, though, I am going to wait... well, sort of. I suppose this does count. But the bottom line is that I've dealt with too much crap for one day, and the last thing I want to do right now is blog about it. Anyone who has spoken directly to me in roughly the last 12 or 13 hours has known how rough Tuesday was for me, far beyond my normal "oh, this sucks" gripes that lack any substantial meaning.

Although I'm trying not to conflate separate issues, it's just been one blow after another all freakin' day, and right now, I just need to lie in bed and walk amongst my thoughts, assessing where I am in dozens of facets. This is something I do occasionally... sometimes too often, which leads to breakdowns... but sometimes not often enough, which can lead to crap like this. In the end, though, it always makes me stronger. It just doesn't seem like it at the time.

Mind you, not everything that happened Tuesday was ostensibly bad. It's just that everything took on a negative connotation from before it even happened. That's why I need to step back and assess. Because I truly believe that things aren't anywhere near as bad as they seem at face value at this very instant in time, and that anything bad that remains will blow over soon. I just need to mull it over a bit. And if there's anything I've learned in this whole blogging thing, it's that mulling things over for a night can be a wonderful thing.

If there's one thing you can do, it's praying for me. To steal an analogy from a professor this morning, we're near the end of the term, and I just need to sprint that last 100 meters. The problem is that I've been running the last six miles, and I'm burning out. Pray that I find the strength and the willpower to continue to do what needs to be done. I'm trying to remain positive, but I definitely need God's help at this juncture.

And of course, if I haven't made it abundantly clear already, these are all short-term issues. Some will be solved when I wake up in the morning; others will take a couple of weeks. But this is not a long-term, life-changing event. Yes, it may eventually evoke change in my life, but I really just need to get through these next couple of weeks with enough sanity leftover at the end to reassess and move forward from there.

Again, I get the feeling that all of Tuesday's events just conflated themselves and that, when viewed separately, most aren't anything to be upset about at all. It just takes time.

I'm inspired by Jane Henkels' recent post on Holy Week, short and sweet:
Ah, this most blessed week of the year. So far it has been loaded with suffering. It's only to be expected. Embrace the cross, y'all. Just do it. It makes the resurrection that much sweeter.
Well, if that's the task, so be it. I'll be off now; I've got a lot of sorting out to do.


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